Human Minnow

2006-05-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sharks are a very real threat. Yea sure, they only have fins and teeth, but those teeth are like a million little saw blades just wanting to rip you limb for limb. Bears are not as much of a threat. They are generally cute, if you can say that about a man eater, and fascinating too. In fact they try to avoid us humans. And unless you are a person who seriously lacks some noodle in the old noggin, you try to avoid them as well.

I am not a big man; I am not even a overly strong man. But I would say that I could hold my own against a sizable opponent. So if I was attacked by a small bear I could at least fight back and perhaps survive. But with a shark it is a whole new ball game. You can’t really fight a shark. If I was to pull the big fish up on shore I would win hands down I believe, but in the water you might as well put a hook through my bottom lip and dangle me from a bobber; because that is all I am, a little minnow in a big pond.

You see I am leaving in 12 days to travel to Southwestern Florida to lay on the beach with my fat hairy belly getting sun burnt, and fish sun up to sun down. I am very excited about this opportunity. I get to build on my relationship with my younger brother-in-law, and fish. Who wouldn’t look forward to such a wonderful experience. But, and there is always a but; sharks lurk in the dark waters of the Gulf. My wife’s family has tried to tell me otherwise, but I am not a Discovery Channel buff for no reason. I have seen Jaws 1, 2, and 3 on several occasions and realize that my minnow experience could be more then just a bad dream.

That is why I am not going to swim. Well that is not the only reason. When I was in high school I had a problem with swimming…I sank. This was because I didn’t have much fat on my body. In fact my wife saw a picture of me from my junior year and she said that I was “too skinny”. Haha, I wish I was still. I am only 23 and I already see the horrible side effects of aging. I have hair in places I never thought possible and, well lets just say I don’t have a problem floating in the water anymore. So anyways, I do not plan on swimming. I have better things to do.

Who knows, maybe while I am fishing I will hook a small shark. Wow that would be cool. I am not so sure I would keep it though. I would probably let it go, but not till I made a pact with it. I would release it on one condition; that since I did not kill and eat it, he/she can not kill or eat me (and it also applies to it’s family). I think that is a fair deal. You know what, I don’t really enjoy killing anything. I have even been known to feel bad to squash a large pretty bug. But, that does not mean that I do not enjoy a good hunt or I will stop squashing snakes with my tires. I actually ran over a sunk this last weekend. And if it wasn’t for that nasty gland that makes everything smell, I might have felt bad. Plus I had to act like a “man” in front of my wife. She would probably think I was a little strange if I pulled over and broke down crying while trying to give the skunk CPR. It would probably be something like the scene from Tommy Boy, where the deer wakes up in the car and trashes it.

Speaking of crying, my sweet wife looked over at me the other day while we were watching TV and said, “Do you want to cry with me?” What the heck is that? I just looked at her and said, “Na, I’m good.” Women are so strange like that. “Do you want to cry”…

Until next time, don’t swim in the dark water and try to avoid looking like a human-minnow. Peace Out.

Bassbuster

Human Minnow